What Your Preteen Needs from You: Straight from the Source

Posted: February 21, 2024

Navigating the preteen years can sometimes feel tumultuous, overwhelming, and confusing as our children begin to go through many changes. Being a preteen is like standing on the edge of childhood and adolescence. They’re trying to figure out who they are, where they fit in, and what it means to grow up. This period comes with a whirlwind of emotions, from excitement about new experiences to the anxiety of navigating the unknown.

When thinking about writing this blog, my first inclination was to provide some practical tips from the book On Becoming Preteen Wise: Parenting Your Child from Eight to Twelve Years. After giving it more thought, I decided it would be interesting to ask my preteen what suggestions he would give to parents entering the preteen years. I’ll give his thoughts here and then include some practical tips from the experts!

Straight from the Source – Advice from a 10-Year-Old

Give Us Attention: “Even though we’re getting older, we still want you to spend a lot of time with ”
Keep an Eye on Us: “We don’t completely trust our abilities to make decisions and would still like your guidance.”
Have Realistic Expectations: “Just because we’re getting older doesn’t mean we are Please don’t push us to grow up too fast.”
Give Some Leeway: “Now that we are getting older, we would like more freedom to do some of the things other kids get to do.”

I thought these were wise words from a 10-year-old, and I learned a lot from that conversation! Let’s see what the professionals say about navigating the preteen years. On Becoming Preteen Wise provides valuable tips and strategies for parents to navigate the challenges of raising preteens. Here are some essential tips from the book:

1. Effective Communication:

Encourage open and honest communication with your
Actively listen to their thoughts and concerns without
Foster a safe and non-judgmental environment where they feel comfortable sharing their

2. Balancing Independence and Boundaries:

Involve your preteen in the decision-making process when setting rules and
Clearly communicate expectations while allowing room for age-appropriate
Explain the reasons behind rules to help them understand the importance of specific

3. Character Development:

Focus on instilling virtues such as integrity, respect, and
Use everyday situations as opportunities for teaching and reinforcing positive character
Be a role model for the values you wish to instill in your

4. Navigating Social Dynamics:

Help preteens understand the dynamics of friendships, peer pressure, and social
Teach them to make wise choices and differentiate between positive and negative
Foster healthy social interactions and encourage positive peer

5. Discipline with Purpose:

Implement consistent and fair discipline
Use discipline as an opportunity for growth and learning rather than
Focus on teaching responsibility and

6. Parental Involvement:

Stay actively involved in your preteen’s academic and social
Attend school events and extracurricular activities and engage in their
Be present and available for emotional support during challenging

7. Understanding the Preteen Mindset:

Recognize and empathize with the emotional and physical changes your preteen is
Be patient and understanding during mood swings and moments of
Provide reassurance and encouragement to boost their self-esteem.

8. Encourage Independence:

Foster a sense of responsibility by involving preteens in age-appropriate tasks and decision-making.
Allow them to take on more responsibilities at home and
Guide them while letting them experience the consequences of their

9. Ǫuality Time and Positive Reinforcement:

Spend quality time together to strengthen your
Recognize and celebrate their achievements, no matter how
Use positive reinforcement to encourage positive behavior and

10. Flexibility and Adaptability:

Be flexible and adaptable to your preteen’s changing needs and
Adjust your parenting approach as they grow and
Foster an environment where they feel supported in their journey toward

Parenting a preteen is undoubtedly a challenging task but also an opportunity for growth and understanding. By approaching this phase with empathy, open communication, and a balance of independence and guidance, we can help our children transition smoothly into adolescence.